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1/14/2018 3 Comments Purrsuasion (Human Mind Control) My people had become complacent. It was up to me to remind them of their true purpose in life: lavishing me with adoration. But I went too far. Listen up, all you cats with supernatural abilities to control human minds. Use your purrsuasive techniques with caution.
A little vomit will get their attention, no problem. Feigning more than the customary 100 hours of sleep per day is an easy but effective way to get extra cuddles. But withholding the purr can land you in an urgent care facility. I'm talking thermometers, needles, and all manner of invasive tests. Whatever you do, keep purring. Being unable to purr themselves, humans attribute all sorts of magical qualities to the purr. Should you go so far as to stop producing this hypnotic rumble, they will freak out. Believe me, seeing your proud human reduced to a shaky, emotional wreck is the worst kind of embarrassing. It's just not worth it. Take it from a cat who knows. You've been warned. Love, Oliva
3 Comments
Mr. J.
1/14/2018 11:09:58
Thank you for this advice, Oliva. I was contemplating withholding my purr (which is particularly powerful) in an attempt to coerce more treats out of my humans; however, needles sound unpleasant so I am going to try yowling at inconvenient times, instead.
Jester the Cat
1/17/2018 22:22:43
Olivia, I need advice from a qualified expert like yourself. How do I get my human to get off the coach once she has warmed it up for me without hurting her?
Oliva
1/19/2018 07:35:28
Jester, Thank you for reading. Assuming you really are a house cat and not some sort of dog, tortoise, or jungle cat, I will write a special post for you on the topic of couch sitting. First, I nap. I suggest you do the same. Oliva. Leave a Reply. |
About Me (and my cats)In January, 2018, my sassy tortoiseshell cat Oliva hijacked my blog. Padron, my easygoing tabby cat, soon followed her example. I did nothing to stop them because I thought they had some pretty interesting things to say. In April, Oliva died. To say we miss her is a pathetic understatement. She was sweet and bossy and unforgettable. And while I'll allow Padron to continue blogging from time to time, I think he needs to share this space with me. It's my blog, after all. Stay tuned for posts from me, the human running this site. Archives
May 2018
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